This weekend was rich with blessings, good health, food and having my wife home after a week away was incredible and helped remind me of the power of communication. Being fully known by someone and the strength and intimacy that creates is amazing! Being able to talk about what’s really going on with me in my own headspace, my challenges brought me into the present. In the past I would have locked those thoughts or feelings up, and the result is they would have held my wife and daughters hostage. I’m blown away by how I’m received, and how seemingly ‘simple’ it is to share.
Then in comes the guilt and judgement. How stupid am I for not realizing this sooner? For the years of disconnection intermixed with those of connection (true they weren’t all the same and they also weren’t all bad). I’m struck by the way God and recovery have nurtured who I am at my core. Someone He created me to be, and someone I know I can be and someone my wife saw when she agreed to marry me and enter into a partnership. I still have a lot of work to do, that is clear, especially as I sit and obsess over the past. I know God has forgiven me, but can I forgive or have I forgiven myself? There’s a lot of work to do for me around that because my answer is no. This weekend’s message was as timely as it is powerful. Forgiveness. Forgiveness of others, and of ourselves. If you weren’t there, or haven’t yet watched it the link is below.
The message delivered a simple image of carrying around all our sins with us, and how much they weigh us down. The inverse is how freeing giving those things up can feel. We should never forget, but we also don’t have to bury ourselves under the burden of not getting to a point of forgiving and carrying around all that with us. I need to get to that point, whatever that looks like and feels like, to forgive myself and others.
I accept I’m forgiven. Christ’s death cleanses me of my sins, and not accepting that is to also not accept Him and all He gave up for us. So here I am, knowing that I’m forgiven but still struggling with being able to forgive myself. God isn’t counting my sins against me, they’ve been written and recorded but it’s not a scale against which I have to constantly offset.
Romans 6:14 “For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under Grace.”
Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is no condemnation for those who are in Him.”
John 8:36 “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”
Dear Lord, by faith I accept Your forgiveness and refuse to be a slave to sin You’ve already forgiven. Today, I confess and move on! I commit to believe Your transforming truths to live fully and freely in Your grace.
Thanks for being there with me, grace and peace